Collar
by Kitesvara
Summary: When the unthinkable happens Kanzeon Bosatsu is left to pick up the pieces. AU. Yaoi. Sanzo/Goku
1. Chapter 1

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya

**Collar: Chapter 1**

Sanzo regained consciousness in semi-darkness and apparently alone. He was seated with his back to a pillar to which he was bound at the waist, with his hands tied behind him. He struggled but could move very little. There was something around his neck. It was very uncomfortable and quite tight.

"I'm Shahin Ushas and you are my prisoner." A woman's voice, somewhere off to his right. "You are also bait. I know your final, unapprehended companion will come for you and then I'll have all four of you. You won't be able to stop the resurrection of my lord and he will wipe all of you filthy humans from the face of the Earth. We will rule as is our destiny." Ushas' voice was musical and quite low pitched for a woman. Sanzo struggled in an effort to see her. The band around his throat tightened ever-so-slightly. "If I were you I'd keep still." Her voice sounded amused. "That thing is slowly choking you. Every time you move or any time I tell it too, it tightens. You don't have long and you have no means of escape. Your only hope is rescue." The voice was moving closer. She seemed to expect him to speak but he maintained a stony silence and glared into the middle distance. Let her gloat. It bought him time. Goku couldn't be far away and Goku had abilities that few demons understood. This was far from over. She slid into his field of vision and started gliding towards him. She was tall and very beautiful with creamy skin and eyes that flashed a bright aquamarine blue. Her hair was long and straight and fell like black silk to her knees. She was exquisitely gowned in colourful silks and brocades that whispered sensually as they trailed across the floor in her wake. "My, but you're a pretty one! Such a graceful thoroughbred! And those eyes..." She stooped to look into his face. "What a pity you have to die!" She caressed his hair and he tossed his head furiously. "Oh, fiery, too! Where's your tranquility, Buddhist?" His glare became poisonous and she laughed. "What? Nothing to say? No attempt to make me change my mind? To see the error of my ways?" She purred.

"Oh shut up!" Sanzo hissed. "I really can't be bothered listening to idiots!" He was giving nothing away. Let her taunt all she wanted.

Ushas smiled sweetly. "But you see, you really have no choice. I hold all the cards here. Soon your little monkey will be here and I'll have all four of you. Until then I shall just amuse myself." She lifted his chin and forced him to look into her eyes. He had an overwhelming desire to spit in her face. Fear was making him even angrier. "I could have so much fun with you. There's very little that's more enjoyable than corrupting a priest. It's so entertaining watching them struggle with their little consciences!"

"You've got the wrong man, Lady!" Black humour in his eyes. "I've never had a conscience and I lost my 'purity' a long time ago and never missed it." His mind worked quickly. She had no idea as to Goku's true power. Good. But where were Hakkai and Gojyo? Were they together or had she the forethought to separate them? Where those two were concerned the whole was definitely greater than the sum of it's parts. They'd go to any lengths to protect one another. Had she underestimated them? He hoped so.

"And yet Kanzeon Bosatsu entrusted this most dangerous and important mission to you, little priest. I wonder why she did that if you're so untrustworthy?" She ran a slender finger along his jaw. He glared at her, balefully, eyes dark with fury.

"I never said I was untrustworthy." He snarled, keeping her talking. "She can trust me absolutely. To be stubborn and ruthless and to break every rule in the book if it will serve our ends. She just can't trust me to be a good Buddhist." He replied, trying very hard not to move and cause the collar to tighten. If he could intrigue her sufficiently she would continue to bandy words with him, rather than take the wiser course and kill him while she had the chance.

"And what about all that bad karma? You reek of blood. How many people have you killed? How many unfortunate youkai have died with your bullet through their heart? You'll pay for that. You're bound for Hell, Genjo Sanzo."

"My karma is my own affair. You assholes have to be stopped." He hissed. Good, she was trying to figure him out.

"Oh, so you are an altruist after all. Ready to take on all that bad karma to save others. How very noble of you! But you know, Sweetie, you've failed and I'm going to have a little fun, then fillet you, pan fry your flesh and eat it with fava beans and a good chianti. And you know, there's a rumor that after eating a sanzo priest an enterprising demoness can remain young and gorgeous forever. Maybe I'll just have a little sample now." She was very close to him now, kneeling beside him. She pulled the robe from his shoulder, ripped his cassock with her teeth and bit hard into his muscular shoulder. He neither moved nor made the slightest sound.

"Oh, delicious!" She moaned, licking her lips. "You may not be a conventional, pure Buddhist priest but your sins add spice. Like wasabi! And there's something else isn't there? You're a tulku. Who's I wonder?" She fished inquisitively for more information.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, bitch, so you might as well shut the fuck up!" Offer her a stone wall and see if she'd try and jump it. Every moment increased their chances of survival.

"You're a mouthy little bastard, aren't you? Like a little animal snarling to hide your fear."

Before he could come up with a suitably scathing response, a bloodstained Goku burst into the cavern, his nyoi-bo spinning in his hands. He sped across the floor, hauled the demoness off Sanzo and flung her right across the room in his fury.

"Your people are all dead. I've slaughtered every one. Now I want my master back." His lips drew back from his teeth, exposing his fangs.

"Goku!" Sanzo called. "Untie me!" Goku dropped to his knees and untied the knots with swift, dexterous fingers. Then he saw the blood on Sanzo's shoulder, running down the cassock and soaking into his robe. "She's injured you!" he said through clenched teeth. His eyes blazed with golden fire.

"I'll do more than that, you pathetic little ape demon! I'll eat him, and enjoy every, tiny morsel. Maybe I should make you watch before doing the same to you. Maybe I should press you into preparing my meal!" She taunted, unwisely. Goku stood slowly, shuddering as he did so. His limiter cracked, shattered and fell to his feet in shards. Oh shit, thought Sanzo, this certainly complicates matters...

Seiten Taisei always astonished Sanzo, no matter how many times he saw him. Such wild beauty distilled into such a small and incredibly dangerous package. He took off across the room like a bullet out of a gun, faster than Sanzo's eye could follow, his claws flashing in the torchlight. Ushas screamed as he slashed at her and pulled her sword from the ether, fighting desperately to defend herself against his onslaught. His claws raked across her arm, his cruel, feral smile showing his fangs. He laughed at the sheer joy of battle and the sound sent a chill down Sanzo's back. She hissed and slashed at him, her blade a glittering silver arc above his head. He leapt and caught it between his teeth, then with a deft toss of his head, flung it far beyond her reach. It rang like a funerary bell on the cold stone. She barely missed a beat but kicked out powerfully, spinning away from him as she did so. He snarled and came after her, somersaulting over her head to land behind her. She spun again, facing him, her own claws glinting and her lips twitching back from her fangs. Then she launched herself at him, hoping to throw him off balance with her superior height and weight but he was far too fast. He somersaulted again and this time she'd barely turned before he struck her. She blocked his blow and swiped swiftly with her right hand, the tips of her claws catching him across his left cheek. He laughed again, catching her wrist and pulling her towards him. She struggled but his grip was too strong and he was too close. Sanzo couldn't watch as Seiten Taisei went for her throat, enfolding her in a grizzly embrace. A few seconds later he heard her body slide to the floor and Seiten Taisei start to pad towards him. He didn't look up until the elemental stood over him.

"Goku, come here. I can't move." He breathed. "Can you understand me, Goku?" He looked into the golden eyes, hoping Goku could exert some control. Recognition flickered. "You know me. I'm no threat." He knew he only had one chance to replace the limiter. The collar about his neck would quite possibly strangle him as he moved or Seiten Taisei could slice him to pieces. He couldn't afford to get it wrong.

"I know you?" Seiten Taisei queried, kneeling at his side and reaching out to touch him. Sanzo remained absolutely motionless. The elemental's fingers touched his hair, his talons catching slightly. "Golden, like the sun..." He came closer, touching Sanzo's cheek with the back of one supple finger. Sanzo was uncomfortably aware of how close those talons were to his throat.

"Goku..." Sanzo sighed "Saru..." Seiten Taisei smiled. Not the terrifying, feral smile but a gentle one, like someone trying to recall a pleasant memory. He leaned very close, as if trying to breathe Sanzo's scent. Sanzo took a chance and allowed his head to fall back, exposing his collared throat. His breath caught as the collar twitched a little tighter.

"Goku..." he sighed the name again, barely vocalizing. The elemental was hanging over his throat now, his lips almost touching Sanzo's skin, just breathing in his scent as if trying to remember it. His hair teased against Sanzo's face, soft and shining.

"I know you..." Sanzo could feel Seiten Taisei breath against his skin. Sanzo felt a shiver of something that wasn't fear shimmer through him. "You're his friend. He loves you. We love you." The elemental lifted his head and met Sanzo's eyes, his own thoughtful. Then he touched the collar with one careful talon. "There is a solution to this problem. If he's brave enough, if he's desperate enough. He must be the one to choose. I will leave the answer for him. He has only to look. I will not forget you again, so you need not fear me. Quickly, bind me. I must return your partner to you." He bowed his head so that Sanzo could reach easily.

"Thank you, Sage. I'm in your debt." Sanzo replied, reaching his hands about the crown of Seiten Taisei head.

"I'm not keeping an accounting." The elemental turned his bowed head slightly and smiled with surprising sweetness. Then the light flashed as the ring reformed.


	2. Chapter 2

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

**Collar: Chapter 2**

"That's what he told me, Goku. He said that there was a solution and that it was your decision. He also said that he would leave the answer where you could find it. I'm not sure how that works." Sanzo puzzled over Seiten Taisei cryptic message.

"Maybe if I meditated? I'm really glad you taught me. I don't know how I'd do it otherwise." He settled at Sanzo's side, crossed his legs and closed his eyes. Sanzo watched as his breathing slowed and he took the deep breath that would trigger the change in consciousness. Goku sat completely still and quiet for several minutes before taking another deep breath and coming out of his trance.

"I have it, Sanzo." He whispered.

"What do we need to do?" Replied Sanzo.

"I need to do it. You don't have to do anything but let me."

"Let you? What does this entail, Goku?" Sanzo had an uncomfortable suspicion.

"I have to take your place." He said simply. "I have to allow our bodies to occupy the same space for a moment and then kick you out of the collar. It won't be able to tell the difference."

"No!" Replied Sanzo with great determination. "Then you'd be dead and I'm not having you die in my place. Put that idea right out of your little simian brain." The band tightened again and Sanzo winced. Goku made his decision and didn't hesitate. He did as Seiten Taisei had shown him, slipped within the band and felt Sanzo struggle desperately before Goku managed to push him out. The priest fell sideways onto the floor. He turned back to Goku, who was now leaning against the pillar, the collar about his neck. His face was tranquil.

"Too late, Sanzo. It's done. I can't watch you die. I just can't, I'm sorry." Sanzo looked at him, a stricken expression in his violet eyes. He wasn't sure if he should be angry with Goku for disobeying him and sacrificing his own life or be devastated at the thought of losing him. Then a huge wave of grief and guilt broke over him and any other consideration seemed petty and trivial.

"No!" He ground out. "Not like this, Goku. Not in exchange for my life!" The world seemed to be going dark around him.

"Not your decision." Goku choked on the words. "Love you, Sanzo. Always did. No matter what you said or what you did I always loved you." He was well aware that these were probably the last words he'd ever say. He gazed into Sanzo's eyes, his own huge and golden.

"Don't go!" He hugged Goku tightly, as if by holding his body he could grasp his soul and felt something deep inside him break. He couldn't save this one either.

"Don't be sad, Sanzo," Goku whispered "I'm not." His breath finally failing.

He gazed up at Sanzo for a few moments with adoration glowing in his endless, liquid, amber eyes, then they dimmed, went blank and Sanzo knew he was gone. The collar disappeared from around his throat and his head fell back against Sanzo's shoulder. The priest held his body tightly and wept. There had been so much he needed to say to Goku but he'd been too much of an emotional cripple to open up, even to this most loyal and loving of creatures. Buddhist detachment seemed like both a lie and a curse at this moment. It was as if in his grief he had finally learned something of inestimable importance and it had shattered him. Then he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and lifted his tear stained face. Kanzeon Bosatsu's expression was usually playful and sardonic, but not now. Se looked genuinely unhappy and grieved.

"I expected to have to come galloping in and rescue you from this one, Sanzo. I really didn't think he'd grown sufficiently to come up with this solution, still less carry it through. He surprised me and you, too, I imagine."

"Don't touch me!" He said hoarsely, through gritted teeth, his mind writhing with fury and helplessness. se wasn't offended. "Why in all the ninety nine Hells didn't you show up two minutes earlier and save him?" Sanzo cried. "I loved him, Bodhisattva, and I was too much of a damned coward to show him. I always chased him off and treated him like shit because I was afraid he'd leave some day and hurt me. Buddhist detachment, my ass, I was just afraid." He seethed with self hatred and the words just tumbled out, white hot with sorrow and guilt. "He loved me enough to die in my place without a word of regret and I never realized that it ran that deep. My own stupidity amazes me!"

"I wanted to see what he had in mind. I hadn't thought him capable of sacrificing himself in such a considered manner. " Se said sadly.

"Is it possible that he'll recharge?" He clutched at that tiny hope.

"No, Sanzo. That was the deal. A life for a life. He knew that and did it anyway. I'm very proud of him." Se fell silent as all the implications started to filter through. "It creates huge problems though. He's your greatest protection, he's completely and uncompromisingly loyal to you and to the mission, this could seriously affect the morale of the group and thereby cause it to fail, putting the future of both humanity and the yokai in jeopardy." Se became very thoughtful.

"Can you bring him back?"

"If he chooses to come, but considering the state of his soul when he died it's a huge ask. He may choose to go on to his next rebirth. Or even Heaven."

"Will you ask him? Would that be selfish of me?"

"It will be entirely his choice. Why don't you ask him?"

"He's still here?"

"Yes, he's here, he hasn't left yet and, incidentally, he heard every word you said and saw every tear you shed for him. He's trying to comfort you but you can't feel his touch. Ask him to return..."

Sanzo looked down at Goku's face. "Please Goku," he rasped, his voice cracked and painful "don't leave. Stay. I know it's a lot to ask, you have so much to gain by moving on but..." His voice broke and he was unable to continue. Kanzeon raised one perfect blue-black eyebrow, hir eyes meeting Goku's as he stood behind Sanzo's shoulder.

"He says he couldn't deny you if he wanted to. He'll return." Se smiled. "He won't be quite the same when he does, Sanzo, be warned. He's learned a lot from this, he's grown quite a bit. Kiss him and you'll draw him back into his body. I think you've learned a lot, too." With that Se disappeared.

Sanzo allowed Goku's head to fall back slightly so that his mouth opened and then kissed him. It was not the kiss of a friend but the deep, passionate, hungry kiss of a lover. He felt Goku move and draw breath from Sanzo's lungs. Sanzo didn't stop but drew a deep breath through his nose as Goku breathed again. His embrace tightened as Goku's arms wrapped about his neck. He responded to Sanzo's kiss with a wild passion that was like a force of nature, like earthquake and tempest and the sea crashing against rock. Sanzo was overwhelmed and collapsed beneath him, knowing that he'd awakened Goku's elemental nature along with his human one. His fingers tangled in Goku's wild hair, catching on the golden band that restrained his full power. Sanzo felt a surge of warm, liquid energy surge up his spine, spilling into his body, flooding it with swirling, eddying currents. It reached out towards Goku and suddenly the connection that had always been present between them strengthened and held them both fast. This time Sanzo, accepted, welcomed and embraced it.

Finally Goku released him, slid a strong arm beneath the priest's shoulders and lifted him gently. His deep topaz eyes glowed joyfully as they met Sanzo's and he smiled as if nothing else in the world mattered, beautiful beyond Sanzo's wildest measure. With his free hand Goku smoothed the hair out of Sanzo's eyes. His touch was incredibly gentle and Sanzo leaned into it, then turned his head and brushed his lips against Goku's hand. "Thank you," he whispered "thank you so much...I think I know what this must have cost you..." What right had Sanzo to ask it, much less receive?

"Really Sanzo, where else would I want to be?" Goku replied, smiling. His elemental form fading into the familiar human one.

Goku was very quiet as they drove on. He had discovered depths to himself that he hadn't known existed and things that were clouded to him before seemed clearer now. Sanzo could almost hear his mind working, feel him growing. Sanzo's hand went nervously to his throat. He could still feel the ghost of the collar that had killed Goku. He coughed slightly and felt Goku move forward and the youth's hand rest on his shoulder.

"What happened?" asked Hakkai quietly. "Goku's energy has changed. I could feel it a mile off."

"I died." replied Goku, so quietly he was barely audible above the engine. "That's what changed me."

"I thought you couldn't die, Goku." Hakkai was puzzled.

"I chose to." Goku replied. "My life for Sanzo's." He slid both arms about Sanzo's shoulders, his hands clasping over the priest's collar bones. Sanzo placed his hands over Goku's and said nothing. "Kanzeon Bosatsu gave me the opportunity to return, so I did." Goku finished.

"Obviously there's quite a story here!" Hakkai turned his head quickly and smiled at Goku.

"So that's why you two are so...friendly." teased Gojyo, unable to let an opportunity slip. Goku turned to him, irritated.

"Shut up, kappa. Why do you have to try and reduce everything to its lowest common denominator?" Goku gave him a very level, warning look, without removing his hands from Sanzo's shoulders. Sanzo realized that he felt no desire at all to rise to Gojyo's bait. He was too tired and his head ached, so he left the field to Goku. Besides, if he hit the kappa with his fan he'd have to dislodge the monkey and he found that he was most reluctant to do that.

"Big words for a bakasaru." Gojyo grinned, not unkindly.

"I'm not a stupid monkey, Gojyo. I understand things I didn't before." He sounded thoughtful, rather than annoyed, as if trying to fit his new found understanding into what he already knew.

"I know Goku, I was just having a go at you. I'm glad we didn't lose either of you." Goku smiled at him and, having no further desire to argue, rested his forehead against Sanzo's shoulder and fell asleep.

"Why don't you try and sleep, too, Sanzo? You look exhausted." Hakkai looked at him, concerned. "It's been one hell of a day."

"Seiten Taisei was active today. I'm surprised this one was able to keep his eyes open as long as he did." Sanzo ruffled the sleeping monkey's hair. Hakkai desperately wanted to ask for more details but Sanzo was gray with exhaustion. Now was not the time. He shot a warning look at Gojyo hoping to warn him off.

"He's not the only one. Sleep, we'll reach the next town in a couple of hours or so. It's a big one so there's probably a good inn."

He was right. When Sanzo and Goku woke they were pulling into the grounds of a very comfortable hotel with landscaped gardens and small cabins among shady trees set at a distance from the main buildings. A high wall surrounded the gardens and the whole establishment looked protected and safe. It was mid-evening and the place was still busy, the dining room still bustling. They booked a couple of the outlying cabins and sat down to a huge meal. Goku was ravenous and Sanzo made sure his friend ate his fill. He found himself picking at his own meal, though, still feeling tired and more than a little dazed by the days events.


	3. Chapter 3

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

**Collar: Chapter 3**

Sanzo drifted back towards the cabin he shared with Goku. He had a great deal to say to the monkey but he couldn't force himself to face him just yet, maybe he should just take a walk in the grounds and think things over. So much had changed. Goku seemed...different... and the cat he'd kept so carefully hidden was well and truly out of the bag. There was no hiding from the monkey now. Or the Goddess.

He moved through the cool night air towards a pond he had seen as they'd entered the grounds. It was surrounded by plants and rocks of various sizes and was filled by a small stream and trickling waterfall. He sat on one of the rocks and gazed at the moonlight on the calm water.

"You seem deep in thought, Sanzo. Is it something I can help with?" Kanzeon Bosatsu's voice was soft and musical. Sanzo jumped. He had been so deep in thought he hadn't noticed hir. He turned, rather shamefaced and more in charity with hir than he had ever felt because se had restored Goku to him.

"I don't know, Bodhisattva. Everything's changed and I'm not sure what to do." He replied.

"Karmic bonds are like that, and the one between yourself and Goku is very powerful. And very emotional. I know you find strong emotion difficult to deal with." Se left the comment open to give him room to speak.

"So it's karmic, then, and not just my own stupidity?"

"Yes, of course it is, but even if it weren't it would be far from stupid. What is it you want, Sanzo?"

He drew a deep breath. "I want him as my lover." It was hard to admit, it made him so vulnerable. "Desperately. But I know it would be wrong."

"Wrong? How so?" se asked. "It's a perfectly natural, reasonable response to the kind of bond you share."

"I'm a priest; he's in my care and under my protection. It would be an abuse of my position. And besides, I'm supposed to be celibate."

"Sanzo," Se said, looking him in the eye. "Do you honestly think you could make that young man do anything he didn't choose to? Don't kid yourself for a minute that he submits to you for any reason other than that he wants to do so. He obeys you because he loves you, not out of fear. Did he offer?"

"Yes, he was very clear about it, he also said that he'd be happy with whatever I decided."

Se nodded. "As I would have expected. What do you propose to do?"

"I still don't know. What about my vow?"

"My dear boy, you have a heavy duty karmic bond breathing down your neck. Frankly, I can't think of many people who could resist but by all means try if you feel you must."

"Is that some kind of permission?"

"You don't need my permission, or anyone else's. It's your choice and his. I'm not making your decisions for you! You don't have to be like anyone else. You aren't some kind of stereotype! You are a particular man, doing a particular job. A job, I might add, that nobody else can do. Write your own damned duty-statement!" Se poked him in the chest for emphasis.

"What do you mean nobody else could do it? There must be plenty of priests you could have volunteered for it. The others I can understand, they're the only youkai free of the minus-wave, but me? Why not someone who's actually a good Buddhist? Someone who wouldn't have fallen in love with the damned monkey!" He positively snarled at hir. Se laughed.

"A couple of reasons." Se seemed amused. "One: a 'good Buddhist' monk wouldn't have stood a cat's chance in Hell out here, boy, and you know it. We had to have someone aggressive, bloody-minded and arrogant just in order to give them a chance at survival. And they had to have the spiritual clout to use both the scriptures. Two: they had to be able to lead that bunch of misfit youkai of yours. Someone who could drink them all under the table, out run them, out swear them and out fight them but who has the wisdom to know when to be flexible. Someone they would respect. Most of the time. That's you, kid. Nobody else could do all of that. Just you. They may drive you crazy, you may drive them crazy, but you can lead them, you can hold them together and ultimately you can wring the best out of them." Se stopped to draw breath before continuing. "And you fell in love with the monkey, did you? A mere bagatelle!" se waved hir hand dismissively. "Especially with that karmic bond in the picture. Anyone less stubborn would have given in years ago! But that's not really the issue, is it? That were not the reason you gave when we last spoke. You said they were just excuses. That you were afraid to let anyone in too close for fear of being hurt, like you were by Koumyou's death."

"That's true. The thought of allowing anyone to get close enough to me for me to consider them my friend frightens me. Allowing anyone close enough to be my lover scares the shit out of me. Until tonight I had trouble even touching people and permitting them to touch me. I still don't know how I'd react to anyone but Goku. He's blown away so many of my defenses, but maybe not all of them and that bothers me, too. I don't want to react as if he's trying to hurt me when he's only being affectionate."

"Has that happened often? That people have managed to get close to you only in order to hurt you?"

Sanzo looked out across the pool.

"Yes." He replied, shortly. "And then there are those who only see this damned pretty face and think I can't defend myself. And those who make a game of trying to seduce monks. And demons who think my flesh will make them immortal and try to eat me. I can count the number of people who've actually touched me out of affection, for my own sake, on the fingers of one hand and fewer whose touch I actually welcome. I'm sure you understand my reluctance."

"So it becomes a vicious circle, from which you can't escape. At least it was until Goku died and returned because you asked him to." She raised an eyebrow. "Now you stand a chance, if you have the courage to take it. He can lead you out of this if you'll let him. Be free. Don't let your past determine your future."


	4. Chapter 4

Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Chapter 4

"Do you think those two are all right?" Gojyo asked Hakkai as the headed back to their guest house after finishing a couple of bottles of wine with Sanzo after dinner.

"I think Goku is fine," replied Hakkai "but I'm not so sure about Sanzo. He looks to be in shock to me."

"But the monkey's OK. Sleepy but fine. Happy, even. So why is Sanzo in such a state?"

"Do you mean to tell me you were kidding with that remark you made in the car?" Hakkai demanded.

"I couldn't resist it! Not the way the monkey was hanging over his shoulders like that. And he wasn't even _trying_ to push him away." Gojyo replied.

"And there was a very good reason for that." said Hakkai patiently. "He didn't _want_ to. You heard the story as clearly as I did. Sanzo told it in quite a bit of detail. He's had the fright of his life! He almost lost Goku and he'd never even considered that possibility before. But it was forced on him today. It makes me wonder what he said to Kanzeon Bosatsu to get her to bring Goku back. We've always known that Goku was completely devoted to Sanzo but I've not been sure what Sanzo felt. He hides behind all those prickles."

"You mean...he's got a thing for the monkey?" Gojyo laughed "That'll give me material for weeks!"

Hakkai shook his head. "We aren't talking about a quick one behind the bike sheds, Gojyo! I really think he means it. The man's in _shock_. He was _terrified_. You can still see that haunted look in his eyes. I hope he does something about it."

"Why wouldn't he? The monkey worships him, he's not likely to turn him down." said Gojyo.

"That's the least of his problems. There's his vow of celibacy, his existing relationship as Goku's guardian, his own fear of any kind of intimacy..."

"Yeah, I see your point. Maybe the monkey'll just pounce on him and refuse to take no for an answer?" Gojyo chipped in hopefully.

"I don't think that's likely. Goku loves him to little bits and pieces, I don't think he'll force the issue. Especially not now."

"You mean now that he's different?" Hakkai nodded. "So what can we do?" Gojyo asked.

"Do? Nothing." replied Hakkai. "We leave them to unravel it and maybe pray to the Merciful Goddess. After all, if they _don't_ unravel it we'll need all the mercy we can get!"

"You can say that again." Gojyo grumbled, then he brightened, put his hands on Hakkai's shoulders and turned his friend to face him. "And talking of mercy, we have a place to ourselves tonight. No priests, no monkeys, just you and me, sweetheart."

"So we have!" Hakkai purred.

Sanzo hesitated before opening the door, wondering if the monkey was still awake. The room was warm and comfortable and Goku was sitting up crossed legged in bed and reading.

"Hi, Sanzo" Goku grinned, pleased to see him. Goku had left the dinner table some time ago, wanting to shower, relax and think, while the others finished off a bottle or two of wine. He looked both happy and centered, his eyes glowed and his smile was cheeky.

"You look pleased, Saru." Sanzo smiled, he used the word as an affectionate nickname, now, not as an insult. "In fact, it looks like you're plotting mischief." He slipped out of his robe, removed his cassock and sleeves and threw them over a chair then sat down next to Goku on the bed to remove his boots. Then he pulled a towel out of his bag, along with his sponge bag and a clean pair of track pants to sleep in.

"Mischief? Me?" The monkey gave him a wide-eyed, innocent look. Sanzo wasn't taken in for a moment.

"Whatever it is, don't." Sanzo tried hard to be stern. The monkey didn't seem fazed but curled around him, resting his head on the priest's knee, gazing up at him with an expression so innocent and playful that Sanzo had to smile. The sheer sensual, animalness of the movement made him catch his breath and made him realize how truly lovely Goku was. His elemental form was magnificent but his human form was so appealing, playful and sweet natured. But something had changed, Kanzeon had been right. He still looked very young and his mannerisms were the same but something had matured within him. Something lurked at the back of his eyes, something that wasn't childish at all. This was probably not the best of times to pursue that thought.

"I'm going to have a long, hot shower," He said with a sigh. "Oh, and I brought these for you..." He stood up, after gently dislodging Goku, and reached into the sleeve of his robe to pull out a bag of moon cakes.

"Thank you, Sanzo!" Goku replied, obviously touched. Sanzo tousled his hair, and then headed for the bathroom.

The bathroom was as luxurious as the rest of the guest house and it felt so good to stand under the shower and feel it washing away the dust, sweat, grime and blood of the last few days. Especially today. Particularly today. It almost felt like a ritual cleansing as he watched the dirty water run down the drain. He soaped himself with the expensive shower wash provided by their host and shampooed and conditioned his hair, running his fingers through and enjoying its clean wetness. He closed his eyes and turned his face into the falling water. Then he reached for the razor and shaving cream on the bench next to the shower, turned to the mirror and shaved off two days worth of stubble. That felt even better. The itch had been driving him mad! And the water was still hot, thank heavens. He stepped from the shower and dried himself on a large and fluffy towel, pulled on the track pants and made his way into the other room.

"Sanzo," Goku asked, as Sanzo stepped through the door. "Do you think we've known one another before? I mean before I was imprisoned and you were Sanzo?"

"Strange you should say that, Saru. Before I came in I spent some time talking to Kanzeon Bosatsu about that very question." He lay on the bed next to Goku, leaning on his elbow. The monkey sat cross-legged, facing him. "She said that we share a powerful karmic bond, which, I suppose, explains quite a bit."

"I wonder what happened to create the bond. They don't just happen randomly. Maybe it has something to do with why I was locked up. I used to dream about you. While I was imprisoned, before I met you. You looked a little different but I couldn't mistake your eyes or that yearning expression." Goku mused.

"I have a yearning expression?" That was news to him. Then he met Goku's eyes and thought that perhaps it wasn't that surprising. Goku nodded.

"Does knowing about the bond make things...clearer?" Goku's voice was very quiet. Sanzo nodded.

"I'm still afraid but I think that's habit. Fighting karma's pointless, especially when I don't want to." Sanzo replied.

"You don't?" Goku queried, not quite believing it.

"No, I don't." Replied Sanzo, reaching across to cup Goku's cheek with one slender hand.

"Sanzo, you know that I've loved you for as long as I can remember, and probably for much longer. Now we're both calm and neither of us is about to die so I'll ask you: do you love me? Did you mean what you said? I don't want to misunderstand you."

"Of course I love you, Goku. I meant every word I said. I've been hiding it for a long time now, thinking it was wrong, thinking I'd harm you and get hurt myself. I had no idea you felt as deeply as you do."

"And then there was Koumyou."

"Indeed. I really didn't want to go through that again. I don't mind dying, but I don't want to be the one left behind. I don't ever want to hurt that much again..." Sanzo actually went pale at the memory. Goku reached for his hand, clasping it comfortingly.

"Don't underestimate me, Sanzo. I died this afternoon because I _chose_ to. According to the Sage that collar was a curse and in order for it to be broken a life had to be sacrificed. I decided that it would be mine rather than yours and he showed me how to take your place. Without that decision I can't die. I won't leave you. You won't be the one left behind, grieving. That will be my burden, at least until I can find your next tulku. Trust me, Sanzo; I won't break your heart. Will you have me?" Goku met his eyes, his own gleaming like warmed honey. They were full of passion but also understanding and compassion, and Sanzo found that twenty three years of uppity prickliness and bad temper were no defense. He felt as if his midriff was melting and he wanted to pull Goku against him and hold him close.

"Yes, Saru." He said his voice little above a whisper.

Author's note: Now you'll need to go to my info page and click the link there to read what happens next (you'll need to right click and choose from the options)! It's NC-17 so be warned.


	5. Chapter 6

If you want to read chapters 5 and 7, you'll have to do so at my journal . You'll find the link on my profile page. They're NC-17 so I really shouldn't post them here.

Chapter 6

Sanzo woke the following morning to find Goku still asleep beside him. He looked so sweet and peaceful that Sanzo didn't have the heart to disturb him but slipped from the bed, pulled a clean robe from his luggage, picked up his cigarettes from the bedside table and pushed open the screen doors. He actually felt peaceful and happy as he gazed out into the rain. He ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair and lit a cigarette. How long had it been since he had felt this way? Certainly not since Koumyou's death. And it was raining, as well and yet here he was, smoking and smiling at the downpour. The rain pelted on the roof, on the grass, into the pond, leaving puddles and rivulets. It dripped from the trees and bowed the heads of the flowers and ornamental grasses. The roads would be a dangerous quagmire. Best to rest here for a few days. His eyes strayed back to his companion, still curled up and wrapped in the quilt and found the possibility of a few days in this comfortable place with Goku very pleasant indeed. He took a drag from his cigarette, tipped back his head and blew a thin stream of smoke into the air. There was a small strangled sound from the bed. He turned his head and saw Goku watching him with eyes like saucers. He put out the remains of his cigarette and headed back to the bed.

"What's the matter, Saru? You look like you've seen a ghost." Sanzo asked.

"You just looked so amazing. The turn of your wrist, the way your head fell back, the light in your hair, the set of your jaw...just beautiful." His voice was full of wonder.

Sanzo sat down on the bed, took the youth's face between his hands and kissed him deeply and slowly. Goku slid into his arms, pressing up tight against his chest and dropping his head back so as not to break the kiss. Sanzo's hands slid down his neck and shoulders and his arms wrapped tight across Goku's naked back. His lips slid from Goku's and he trailed kisses down the youth's jaw and throat. Goku's whole body shuddered at the touch and he moaned deliciously. Sanzo could feel Goku's hands on his skin, beneath his robe, exploring with passionate, inquisitive fingers. He shivered as Goku caressed sensitive, tender places, many of which Sanzo hadn't been aware of himself. Goku smiled up at him.

"I'd like to get some scented oil today and do this properly this evening, if you'll let me. I want to get to know this body of yours. I want to know here you're sensitive, sore, and ticklish. I want to look after you. Do you trust me enough to let me do that?" The youth asked.

"I trust you, Goku, but I've never been touched this way before and I may be as jumpy as a grasshopper." Sanzo replied.

"I know, I'm not expecting miracles!" Goku sparkled up at him.

"Well, as long as that's understood I'd like it very much as long as I can do the same for you." Sanzo raised an elegant eyebrow.

"I'd love that!" Goku smiled delightedly up at him. This was so much better than Sanzo could ever have imagined! Then Goku looked thoughtful. "You know, I'd also love it if we could stay here all day but shouldn't we be moving?"

"I bet you're hungry, Saru." Sanzo smiled.

"Well, there is that, but I have a feeling you're not ready to face Gojyo's ribald jokes yet, so maybe if we act normal he won't notice..." Goku said hopefully.

"Fat chance!" Sanzo laughed "But you're right, we should move."

"Last one into the shower's a rotten egg!" Goku darted across the floor, picked up a towel and headed for the bathroom with Sanzo on his heels.

They both entered the dining room twenty minutes later to find Hakkai and Gojyo eating breakfast, Hakkai drinking his morning cup of tea and Gojyo drinking coffee.

"Are you both feeling better?" Asked Hakkai, politely.

"Yes, thanks." Replied Goku. Sanzo nodded as Gojyo poured him some coffee. There were no snide remarks, no innuendo and breakfast was surprisingly relaxed and enjoyable. Apparently, the staff were looking out for them as well. A waitress approached their table, bent close to Sanzo's ear and said quietly:

"If you don't want to attract attention I'd lose the robes and cover your hair. The news about the downfall of the Shahin stronghold has reached town and the place is abuzz with the news. People will want to thank you and I have a feeling you'll want to avoid that." Sanzo looked up at her with real gratitude.

"Thank you for the warning. All we really want just now is to rest and attracting attention would be a pain in the ass!"

"Then you can depend on us to do all we can to protect your privacy." She replied.

"We would all appreciate that." He said gracefully. She smiled, poured more orange juice and, after taking their order, withdrew tactfully.

Sanzo noticed that Hakkai was watching both he and Goku closely and that Gojyo was taking his lead from Hakkai. Goku was positively radiant and Sanzo knew that Hakkai, who was no fool, would swiftly draw his own conclusions. Fortunately he seemed to have Gojyo on a leash, so maybe he wouldn't feel it necessary to shoot the man.

When he returned to their guest house to change he found that there was a hooded coat on the sheltered doorstep, wrapped in plastic. It would protect him from the rain, hide his hair and keep his face in shadow. That was kind of somebody.

He left his robe and sleeves on the bed and put on the coat. It was warm and comfortable. He tucked the gun into one pocket and the credit card into the other. Goku came in looking for a jumper with an umbrella in his hand. He stood looking at Sanzo approvingly.

"I like that coat. Did that nice lady lend it to you?"

"I think so, it was on the step outside. I think I'll get one of my own when we're in town. In fact we should all get winter clothing and camping gear. It'll be winter soon and if we get sick it will slow us down. So look for a hooded down coat, Saru. We need little winter tents and sleeping bags, too." Goku nodded.

"Are we staying here long?" Goku asked.

"Until the rain clears up." Sanzo smiled.

"The staff were saying it could be several days." Goku said with great nonchalance.

"Good." Sanzo replied. Goku chuckled.

In spite of the rain the town was busy. They had split up so and to be less conspicuous. People were milling about the market square discussing the fall of Ushas' stronghold and some of the stories were getting really out of hand. Sanzo pulled his hood further down over his face and looked shifty, like the villain in a melodrama. Goku smiled, pleased to see him so playful. They wandered through the market, looking at the various stalls and making small purchases, (including a bottle of massage oil) while looking for a shop selling good quality cold weather gear. The place was buzzing and people seemed really excited. Sanzo was surprised that Ushas' people had been attacking such a sizable and well defended settlement.

Eventually, they found what they were looking for and Sanzo was able to replace battered clothing and buy the gear they needed. Goku found himself a golden-brown, down filled jacket with a fur lined hood that Sanzo privately thought looked adorable on him. A couple of pairs of warm jeans and some heavy boots were added to the pile. To this he added a long dark blue, hooded coat for himself. It fell to his ankles and was warm and comforting. The hood was huge and could be pulled down like a cowl. He certainly wouldn't be cold this winter. He also found two easily pitchable, three-man tents of the kind designed for sub-zero temperatures along with four very warm sleeping bags that could be zipped together if they chose to share them. He found he really liked the idea of sharing a sleeping bag with Goku on a cold night. He stole a sideways look at his companion and from the slight flush on his cheeks, surmised that Goku was thinking the same thing.

They left the shop well pleased with their purchases and as they did so Goku felt a hand on is shoulder and looked up into Homura's face.

"I hear you did exceptionally well yesterday, Son Goku. My congratulations." There was amusement in the mismatched eyes and a smirk on the thin lips. "But I don't think I've heard the whole story. I don't suppose you'd care to enlighten me? Won't you come to your senses and join me? Leave this...mortal...behind. You'll go farther in my company than you ever will in his."

"I'll never join you." Goku replied flatly. "I've thrown in my lot with Sanzo and I'm not going to change my mind. Give up and leave me alone."

"Ah, such loyalty! I hope he appreciates you," He leaned closer, "and I hope for his sake that he can control you. You can be so _difficult_ when you're angry."

"You're trying to frighten me and it won't work. Go away."

Homura sighed. "I hope you don't regret this, Son Goku." He sounded kind and concerned.

"I've had enough of this!" hissed Sanzo, giving Homura a look of venomous dislike. He put his hand on Goku's shoulder and drew the youth away.

"I see your master has made up his mind. Later, Goku." Homura smirked again and Sanzo had an almost overwhelming desire to hit him. The War Prince disappeared leaving Sanzo speechless with anger.

"I swear I'll kill him!" Sanzo hissed under his breath. The last thing he wanted was for Homura to get his hands on Goku. He wasn't sure what Homura's agenda was with regard to the youth but Sanzo was sure it couldn't be good. Sanzo was almost painfully aware of Goku's attractiveness. In the past he'd had to try hard to ignore it but he was fully aware of it now and it was beyond the bounds of possibility that it had escaped Homura's notice. Goku's voice recalled him from his reflections.

"No, Sanzo. That will be my job. I'm getting stronger by the day. Given a little time I'll be able to defeat him. If I was prepared to call on Seiten Teiisei I could do it now. If he ever harmed you in any way I wouldn't hesitate." Goku's expression was uncharacteristically grim. Sanzo made an effort to calm down and Goku put a soothing hand on his arm.

"Don't worry about it, Sanzo. He's not dragging me off anywhere. Let's go and get some lunch!"


End file.
